Monday, November 22, 2004

I'm still alive!

Well, I have definitely been slacking on writing lately. But, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I've just been sick. Really sick.

Thankfully, I'm finally feeling better this week. Last week it honestly felt like my brain was moving through molasses or something trying to think. I couldn't form sentences, articulate words, or think straight. I was totally fatigued and just completey out of it.

Anyway, so now I'm trying to play catch up. It always seems like that though, I guess.

I wonder if there is any way to feel like you're actually on top of things while you're in graduate school. I constantly feel like there is more I should be doing. This drives me crazy because I never stop feeling guilty or anxious. Not healthy, I know.

Jesse and I talked about it this morning. He tried to help me put things into perspective, which I needed. I am taking the GREs this week, which seemed like a good idea when I signed up a month ago. But now, it's just another thing that's completely stressing me out. I already have one score from when I took it 2 years ago and that score is just fine. But, silly me, decided that I should see if I could do better. Anyway, Jesse convinced me to just take it and not have them send it to any schools until I see my score. That way I have a little safety in case I bomb it completely. That made me feel one little bit better.

I just need to relax and realize I can't be super duper productive all the time. That's why being sick made me all the more frustrated. I was annoyed that I couldn't focus on anything or get anything done.

Luckily, I'm going home tomorrow for Thanksgiving "break." I'm hoping that admist all the work I'll be doing during that time, that I can stop and realize for at least a whole minute that life is not all about school. I'm sure once I see my friends and go out for a few drinks, it won't take long for me to realize that. I just need to get out of my own head for awhile.

Anyway, so as not to talk about school for this ENTIRE post, I do have other things to say about my week.

I watched *three* movies last week while I was sick. That's definitely some kind of record for me. Mean Girls, The Stepford Wives, and Shrek 2. All of which were entertaining and fun and exactly what I neeeded. OH wait! I also watched ELF yesterday...that makes FOUR. ELF was also really cute.

I watched it while hanging out with some friends and eating a pre-thanksgiving thanksgiving dinner. It was delicious. And I didn't miss the Turkey one bit. Jesse seemed to have a great time, which made me happy. I think he is feeling like he is really making some friends here. And I am too.

I sure do have a lot to be thankful for. And when I dwell on all those things and people that make my life rich, stupid things like the GREs and grant applications seem a million miles away.

Here's to keeping things in perspective!


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