ahhhh
the mornings have been the worst lately. i wake up early, groggily force my body to make it through grueling work outs, stumble into the shower, try on a million things which never look good, grumpily walk my dog frustrated at him for not being quick about his peeing, and then scrounge the kitchen for something healthy to make for lunch. by the time i leave for school, i'm already frustrated and feeling really negative about myself and my life, especially as i consider all i am to accomplish each day.
i know that everyone goes through tough periods like this, where life just gets you down and even the little things seem like they are the biggest obstacle on earth. i know the cliche - 'this too shall pass' - but i don't *feel* like the end is anywhere close to being in sight. and everytime i think about what i need to get done this semester, i just want to go into my room, shut my door, crawl under my sheets with a great novel, and leave a sign outside announcing to the world that i am unavailable until future notice. or else get into my car and drive far away on roads i don't recognize just for the feel of freedom and a place that doesn't know me, judge me, or place demands on me. dramatic, i know.
but i just hate being this unhappy and i honestly want to change my outlook but i don't know how. i am trying to take things one task at a time, but i even feel incapable of handling that. and my guess is that it's not just the task things that are getting to me, but all the stuff that's been going on in my personal life.
okay, enough wallowing. sorry to make you read that. especially if you're having your own struggles. i have to believe that somehow i'll make it through this year, even if it sucks. as my mom reminds me, the greatest predictor of future success is past success. i *will* get my degree, even if it kills me or lands me in a mental institution!
let's hope next time i write, i'll have more uplifting things to say!
posted by Rachel @ 12:18 PM
2 Comments
2 Comments:
I hope you know you have someone to turn to who understands that feeling all too well, and would be perfectly happy to partake in short-term escapes with you. Believe me... I stay home many days, just to escape the world. The fetal position, chocolate, tears, and comforting movies have become my best friends.
The important thing to remember is that you have people in your life who love you, and are willing to give you what you need - whether that's cheering up, or communal wallowing. I'm always available for a good bout of either.
Survival mode is no fun at all, but you don't have to go it alone... we all have different struggles but:
Shared sorrow is half-sorrow, shared joy is doubble joy.
Hey Rach,
I know just how you feel. Yesterday was the first time in ages I was in a good mood... I think it had something to do with going out to lunch with 3 co-workers and just positively BASHING our commander-in-chief the whole time. Anyway, I too am miserable, but realize that a lot of it is self-imposed - and I guess that realization is good because it invites change - but at the same time, it's no better because a) I realize I'm the one locking my own prison cell, and b) I don't really know what to do about it. Having goals is great, and I'm so glad you have your degree and affiliated freedom to look forward to. As for me, there are so many things I like, and so many things I think I could be good at - I'm having trouble deciding which to make my next "goal" - which leaves me frustrated beyond belief night after night. BUT I do see two ends in sight (which is better than 47) and I think now comes the task of deciding between the two. Anyway just wanted to commisserate with you, and also say THANKS FOR THE VALENTINE! It was so sweet. Good luck over these next few days/weeks/months and know that I, and nearly everyone else in our generation, is beside you.
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