tuesday thoughts

well, here i sit on tuesday morning...the day stretched out ahead of me. i have a take home final to complete today. but before i get started, i wanted just a few minutes to reflect about where i am today.

yesterday i met with my advisor and got really excited about where we are going with my thesis data. we're trying to re-analyze it to get it ready to submit to a conference with the hopes of eventually publishing it. although finishing this has nothing to do with my classes, it is satisfying to work on it and exciting. it gives me a tiny bit of hope that i am actually excited about something school-related.

this past weekend was really rough trying to work through my two take home stat exams. i think i'm still trying to shake that frustration and feeling that i'm really stupid and don't know anything.

during my first semester here i was completely and totally overwhelmed during finals week. looking back, it was a lot - the classes i was taking were definitely demanding. anyway, my roommate left town early, so i sat alone in my apartment, snowed in, and in tears. i made a running tally of everything that had to be done, partly out of self-pity (i posted it on my profile on IM to show the world what graduate school was making me do!) and partly out of a desire to see even one damn thing crossed off that list.

anyway, i don't know why i am thinking of that now. i guess because i have come a long way. there is a lot i've learned in the past two and a half years about time-management and sheer will. you really can do whatever you set your mind to. and it's amazing how somehow things always get done. somehow you pull it off, even if you didn't think you could. that's kind of comforting, even if it is you who has to do it all.

well tomorrow at noon i have to turn in this last final of the semester and then calculate all my 70 students grades and deal with all those complaints. hopefully after that, though, i can get my mind back and really try to focus on the spirit of this season and really celebrating all the things that i am thankful for and all that this year of 2005 has taught me, with all its struggles and joys. it's been quite a wild ride.