wednesday afternoons

Well, the last post I wrote was last Wednesday afternoon when I was feeling distracted and not able to do work. And here we find ourselves again this Wednesday!

Here are some realizations I have come to this week:

When you're not depressed, life is a lot easier. Somehow, Thanksgiving break gave me the recharge I needed and the cloud of depression has lifted and made me feel a million times lighter. Every good day I have had since Thanksgiving has been so amazing and really felt like a gift from god. I keep wondering when it will end and when I will go back to dreading every day like before...but for now, I'm enjoying it! I still have just as much stress and just as many assignments to get done but for some reason, it is OKAY! for some reason, all the positives of my situation are becoming a lot more evident to me and focusing on them helps get me through.

I am addicted to those little dove dark chocolates -- you know the ones I am talking about? they come individually wrapped and have cute little messages inside like "write a love letter this week" or "smile before you go to bed, you'll sleep better." but the other day i got one that said "don't think about it so much" and it resonated with me so much that i put it on the fridge. a little crumpled foil wrapper with a message just for me. sometimes you gotta let things go.

another little cliche i have been thinking about is 'fake it until you make it'. have you heard this one? i think that this is also what i need to do right now. i do value authenticity, but there is something to be said for just pretending and hoping that the rest of your mind and emotions will follow. it's like living your vision of how you want to be before you're really there. maybe it draws you forward somehow and helps turn you into whatever it is you're pretending to be.

speaking of vision, this is something i really want to work to develop. what is the vision i have for my life? what is the vision i have for myself? how can i work to develop that vision so clearly that i really can work to make it happen. funny, but i think there was a message in the dove chocolate about this too! it said 'write down a list of your dreams so you can make them a reality'. is god speaking to me through chocolates?! if so, i'll keep eating them! :)